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A Letter to Myself: July Sucks

I know July will be a mixture of feelings you don’t quite understand. You may feel like you should be prepared. After all, you have 11 months to prepare and it’s been happening for the last 6 years. 

When his dad arrives to pick him up, you’ll be engulfed with a feeling of panic. That lump in your throat and pit in your stomach you seldom feel, it’ll be larger than life. 

You will feel sad. Hurt. Maybe angry at times. You’ll walk around his room just looking for tiny messes to pick up. The granola bar wrapper you find under his bed won’t upset you this time. You’ll wish he were around to exclaim, “Don’t pull the cats tail!” or “Go back and actually brush your teeth this time.”

You’ll have all the time in the world to sleep. That’s something you often dream of! Yet, it’ll be a struggle to shut your mind off because you’re wondering if he’s okay. Is he safe? Is he feeling loved? Where is he? Does he need you? Does he miss you? Save yourself the sleepless nights and know he loves you, he misses you, he’s having fun yet he needs you. Forever.

You may feel a little more free than usual. It will be fleeting, but you are allowed to feel that way. Don’t feel guilty. Isn’t it you that has always described being a parent as, “The hardest job you will ever love.” This also sounds familiar, “You never know what it means to say you’d literally die for someone until you’re a parent.” You deserve the break. After all, there’s only one of you and he is coming back. 

You know there are pros to this time of the year. He gets to spend uninterrupted time with his dad and your son deserves that. All children deserve to feel that their daddy sports a red cape just like their favorite superhero. You’ve done all you can to preserve that image for as long as he will believe it. You will have hit that reset button you reference. You’ll be the best version of yourself when you see him again and you both deserve that. 

Enjoy July. It’s not sad. It’s a time for both of you to renew the love of your everyday simple life together. 

Spirit Person

I love a picture that can make me feel reflective, free, and just happy. In this new age I hear people refer to their spirit animal. I think I have a spirit person. Do you have that one person that no matter where you are in life the second you share airspace with them you just feel better? Even if you thought you felt great before, they make you feel better. It’s so great you may think it’s too good to be true. 
A heart of gold. A friend who truly brightens up inside when they see you happy is priceless. I’m 32 and I think I just now have that. Having a friend who makes you have the kind of fun where you feel half of your age while doing nothing at all.  

The timing of life events can be quite comical. My “spirit person” recently had the most amazing thing happen at the time my life was falling apart. As much as I wanted to feel sorry for myself I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by the true joy I had for her. The joy for her overshadowed any self pity brewing. I know what she’s been through, how hard she has worked, and how much she deserves every single good thing life can offer her. 
It’s sometimes difficult to not let the dark clouds engulf you. But rising above it all is so much more rewarding. And it’s simply just a happier place to live.