hugs

A Letter to Myself: July Sucks

I know July will be a mixture of feelings you don’t quite understand. You may feel like you should be prepared. After all, you have 11 months to prepare and it’s been happening for the last 6 years. 

When his dad arrives to pick him up, you’ll be engulfed with a feeling of panic. That lump in your throat and pit in your stomach you seldom feel, it’ll be larger than life. 

You will feel sad. Hurt. Maybe angry at times. You’ll walk around his room just looking for tiny messes to pick up. The granola bar wrapper you find under his bed won’t upset you this time. You’ll wish he were around to exclaim, “Don’t pull the cats tail!” or “Go back and actually brush your teeth this time.”

You’ll have all the time in the world to sleep. That’s something you often dream of! Yet, it’ll be a struggle to shut your mind off because you’re wondering if he’s okay. Is he safe? Is he feeling loved? Where is he? Does he need you? Does he miss you? Save yourself the sleepless nights and know he loves you, he misses you, he’s having fun yet he needs you. Forever.

You may feel a little more free than usual. It will be fleeting, but you are allowed to feel that way. Don’t feel guilty. Isn’t it you that has always described being a parent as, “The hardest job you will ever love.” This also sounds familiar, “You never know what it means to say you’d literally die for someone until you’re a parent.” You deserve the break. After all, there’s only one of you and he is coming back. 

You know there are pros to this time of the year. He gets to spend uninterrupted time with his dad and your son deserves that. All children deserve to feel that their daddy sports a red cape just like their favorite superhero. You’ve done all you can to preserve that image for as long as he will believe it. You will have hit that reset button you reference. You’ll be the best version of yourself when you see him again and you both deserve that. 

Enjoy July. It’s not sad. It’s a time for both of you to renew the love of your everyday simple life together. 

Thoughtful Thursday

Summer is here and I love it! More than anything I enjoy being more relaxed in the evenings with my son. I’m not stressed out with the hustle from work to pick him up only to rush home to realize I have nothing to cook for dinner. On a school night, this is when I realize we’re now an hour behind schedule if we expect to get homework done, play, shower, prepare for tomorrow and read a book all before waking up to do the same thing all over again.

Our evenings during the summer leave me feeling much more like the mom I dream of being. A mom who always lives in the moment. A mom who seems to exude joy while picking the few weeds in her immaculate yard and waving lovingly to each passerby.

I seem to hear his giggles more clearly and the hugs are a bit sweeter. There are games on the patio, hanging out with neighbors, swimming, biking, ice cream and staying up too late. Summer is filled with all of the moments we hope our children will replay in their minds as they remember their childhood.

I’m guilty of filling my plate too full more often than I’d probably like to admit. And I’m certain I’ve missed an extra hug here and there with my son. However, others in our lives that are incredibly important need us to slow down for them too. It may be a friend, a neighbor, or a co-worker who is stressed out from the daily happenings that can wear us down. You never know when slowing down for someone and simply asking how they are could really change the momentum in their life.

XO
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I’ll Accept That You Think I’m a Princess.

My son keeps cutting out Princess Leia tattoos and laying them on the bathroom counter for me to find. It’s day three. The first one I was so excited about I immediately applied it. 

That’s so cool and a GIANT ego boost. 

I don’t know how much longer he will think I’m this awesome. Today when we rushed out the door and I hurried him off to school, he still managed to steal my heart.

We did our normal exchange of hugs and kisses and “Please be on a good color. Be respectful, okay?!” As I walked away I heard “Mommmmy!” I turned around to find him racing to me. Typically this would be a “Crap. I forgot FILL IN THE BLANK.”

It wasn’t. I got it right today. He was running to me for one last hug. One last kiss. One last smile. He said, “Our hug wasn’t tight enough!” I looked him in the eyes and told him how right he was. How he has the most special hugs I’ve ever felt. And how I knew he would have the best day ever. It was such a moment that a dad even stopped me to tell me how sweet it was. 

Our days are busy. Sometimes they just don’t go right. I’m learning how a “good day” is more about your perspective. I enjoy my job. I think we are doing amazing things for a lot of people. I’m proud to be a part of it everyday. No matter what, if I’m having a bad day at work and I think about that little boy…. work always fades.

When I play back that first grade boy with glasses, obsessively combed hair and a love of all clothing with a collar…. nothing else matters but that moment. Living life with him is always a good day.