fun

The LEGO Perspective

In my mid 20’s I was kind of a jerk.

I was that “kid” who wanted a kid that thought, “Well when I have a kid…” and could name half a dozen reasons why I’d make it all look so easy.

So basically… the universe is laughing it’s ass off at me.

As it turns out kids don’t come with a manual the way my food processor did. In fact, the only thing in life i am ABSOLUTELY sure of is that when I think I have something figured out, THAT is the exact moment I’ve screwed up.

My son is eight. He is very perceptive and in touch with his feelings. We’re navigating the process of overcoming hurt feelings, being a good sport, identifying strengths and accepting weaknesses. And most importantly, taking responsibility for our actions. And with every one of those moments, I can’t help but pray I’m handling them right.

Parenting is no joke! On one hand, the mama bear in me wants to lunge toward anyone who looks at my kid funny. On the flip side, I recognize we’re approaching the part of life where character is built. I’m fully aware we have days ahead where someone will make a comment about his glasses, the gap in his teeth, or being picked last. I hope to raise a young man with compassion for others. I hope I use these moments to help him draw from these seemingly unimportant events to always be there for others.

I stepped on a lego tonight. Parents, you know that pain! For some reason, my mind went to my son with thoughts I didn’t expect. I didn’t have chosen words race through my mind. I had compassion. It was God’s funny little way of helping me keep perspective. We have so many amazing things ahead of us! Yet help us all not forget how small something can look on the outside yet feel so big to the one walking through it.

Advertisements

I Have It Together-ish

I’m definetly over 30, single, a mom, and have it together-ish.

Every now and then a lady like myself will hear feedback sounding as if a potential suitor is saying, “Challenge accepted.”

So what IS the challenge for said man?

We expect too much from you.

And unapologetically. Unfortunately for this guy, he’s getting “interviewed” for multiple jobs unknowingly. I may enjoy your company but what actually matters is if you’re a good fit for my son and I… as a team. Do you see me standing next to him or in front of him? Can I count on you? Do we care enough to deal with each other during our “jerk” moments?

Like it or not, if I date you, I’m constantly asking myself if you’re father material. Not only for my child but any future children. All my exes live in Texas… and so do I. Can you navigate the waters with my ex? Only the strong survive.

You’ll need a suitcase for this baggage.

Naturally, I analyze everrrrrything. It’s how my brain works! Ask my boss. What is seemingly a straight forward situation will include me calculating every angle we could potentially be sued with followed by hypotheticals that will derail the entire conversation. I can’t help it. Throw in the last 15 years of my life and you’ll get a big ole’ helping of unwelcome nonsense from me that may manifest in silence or irrational conversation.

I’m tired.

I know the general population is tired these days. But I’m real tired of the games. I think kids had it right when they passed those simple notes asking for a “yes” or “no”. That’s where I’m at. Tired of the games. Tired of dating. Tired of wondering where I stand with people. Who in the world came up with the dating rule of waiting 3 days to call? If you wait 3 days, you’ll realize I already blocked you.

I do not have the time, patience, or energy to compete to be at the top of your list. I can’t date multiple people at once. I tried it once at the suggestion of a friend and it lasted about 48 hours. I find it gross and just a waste of time. I have laundry and stuff. Like… big girl things to do.

I used to joke about being the lady with a cat. But now I’m the lady with a cat who has his own Instagram. (@oliverflinn) Many of my friends are unhappily married. That sounds worse than being single! But why is this the case? Do we lose sight of why we fell in love? Do we over look the cup of coffee he brings us in the morning? Or the car that magically never needs an oil change? What about everything he misses out on to be the first one at the office and the last one to leave?

Let’s go back to the way our kids “play the game”. We all have a different job on the field. Don’t we all want to get to the finish line to see our teammate there to celebrate with us?

Mommy Fuel

To the mom at pick up:

Hi. We don’t know each other. I have a feeling we’re more alike than we realize. For starters, I imagine you’re pretty tired. Did you rush here to pick up your little with as much excitement as you felt when you dropped them off this morning?

Me too. Free at last!

“Free at last!” can mean so many things! Maybe you’re at home with the younger kids or doing the laundry and errands to simply make life simple when your husband comes home. Maybe you’re rushing off to a board meeting, leisurely off to the gym, or maybe you’re battling depression alone all day.

I love nothing else more in this life than my son. My only child. My only four eyed, combed hair, argumentative son. But man… does he wear me OUT!

Don’t act like you can’t relate! You aren’t alone.

I’ve always said being a parent is the hardest job you will ever love. Don’t believe me? Would you give up everything in a second for them but you’re constantly tired and finding fuel in places you didn’t know existed?

Let’s credit our littles with unknowingly forcing us to find parts of ourselves we didn’t know existed. That’s some powerful mommy fuel they’ve given us!

Recently I’ve done my best to look at people around me and have a glass half full. I’ve focused more on what we could share rather than how we are different. The word “differences” is often used in a reason for divorce. Irreconcilable differences. I’m looking for more reasons in my life to connect to people than push them away.

Look for the connections. It’s powerful.

Dear Landon

Dear Landon,

This morning you woke up likely not any taller than when you fell asleep last night. This didn’t stop me from humoring you when you stood as tall as you could next to the wooden ruler that adorns the wall in the hallway. It did however cause me to pause and I thank you for that. I also thank you for the last eight years and for every single day ahead of us.

I love the tradition of writing you a letter every year for your birthday. They are stored neatly inside of your time capsule along with other “mom-like” mementos I’ve saved from that year of your life. We have certainly had a year to remember. We’ve had so many incredible moments and we’ve weathered a storm that you certainly have not deserved. From day one, I knew I was getting paid back for being such a strong willed child but how that trait has come to serve us both well.

I think many of us as parents think about the epic list of things we do for our children. And of course there are times I’m tired of picking up after you and simply don’t understand how jelly ended up on the bottom of your night stand. However, this time I’m in such awe of what you have done for me this year. You may be small but the heart and grace you possess is truly inspiring. Yes, you at just eight years old have inspired me countless times.

The major event that rocked us this year was when your stepdad left us. I’m finally at a point where I know it was for the best and you deserve so much more than what that situation offered you. I dreaded having to tell you our lives were being turned upside down. I expected you to cry and be hurt but what I wasn’t prepared for was what you said to me.  I think it’s important that I record how you reacted in that moment because it speaks to the heart you have and how caring of a soul you truly are. When I delivered the news, you looked stunned and your eyes filled with tears. You sat in front of me with your legs crossed and your head fell into your lap like you had just folded in half. I couldn’t hear your cries because you simply couldn’t get anything out. I held you apologizing for our situation. I reassured you that your feelings were okay. I rocked you and told you I loved you more than anything followed by another round of tear filled apologies. At that moment, you stiffened your upper lip and grabbed my hands. You looked me dead in my eyes and said, “Mommy, stop apologizing to me. You should not be sorry. You don’t want this. He broke his promise, you didn’t. You will find a good man.” And you hugged me. That’s all that it took for me to turn a corner and have the perspective we needed to find our bright spot again.

This years birthday letter is much different than in previous years. However, I don’t want to lose out on all the moments of you just being a silly seven year old boy. You say the cutest and silliest things. We love telling each other the jokes on the popsicle sticks. I love every night that you beg me to sing the sunshine song. I love waking up on the nights you’ve crawled into my bed just because you wanted to cuddle. I’m savoring every one of those moments because before too long, you won’t think I’m this cool. Just last night you stepped out of line and I jokingly said I’d “give you away or just sell you.” You laughed and asked how much I’d get for you. I responded by saying you were so special maybe a trillion dollars. In true Landon fashion, you said I should sell you for $2 because $2 bills are so rare as you smirked.

You often rush through your homework because you’re ready to play. You tend to your friends that fall and scrape their knee. You love everything Starwars. You love watching documentaries about marine life and dinosaurs. We love going to Goldrush Cafe on Skillman for our weekly breakfast date before school. You love finding details that I’m wrong about and calling me out. You love waking up early on Saturday morning and sneaking gummy packages into your room thinking I wont actually find those wrappers. You have little interest in organized sports but love swimming, math, and all things science related. You have a heart for Jesus that is so incredibly beautiful.

Landon,  I hope you always know how truly special you are. Not only to me but to everyone around you. Your laugh is contagious. Your witt is entertaining. And your spirit is 100% boy. I will always love sharing chicken nuggets with you and a fort is as good of a place to sleep as any.

Love,

“Your little mommy”

Spirit Person

I love a picture that can make me feel reflective, free, and just happy. In this new age I hear people refer to their spirit animal. I think I have a spirit person. Do you have that one person that no matter where you are in life the second you share airspace with them you just feel better? Even if you thought you felt great before, they make you feel better. It’s so great you may think it’s too good to be true. 
A heart of gold. A friend who truly brightens up inside when they see you happy is priceless. I’m 32 and I think I just now have that. Having a friend who makes you have the kind of fun where you feel half of your age while doing nothing at all.  

The timing of life events can be quite comical. My “spirit person” recently had the most amazing thing happen at the time my life was falling apart. As much as I wanted to feel sorry for myself I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by the true joy I had for her. The joy for her overshadowed any self pity brewing. I know what she’s been through, how hard she has worked, and how much she deserves every single good thing life can offer her. 
It’s sometimes difficult to not let the dark clouds engulf you. But rising above it all is so much more rewarding. And it’s simply just a happier place to live.